family

FINALE

RingAnd…done.

Short and sweet.  In and out.  The worst year of my life finally comes to a close — one week(ish) after my fourteenth anniversary.

I don’t know if I really have anything profound to say, or even meaningful, except that I am officially unmarried (not divorced as we opted for dissolution).

I am not going to insult my ex-wife or vent my rage and sorrow over this messy affair any longer.  There will be no parties or celebratory exclamations or anything of that nature.  Just me, a bottle of Booker’s, some fond memories and, most importantly, the promise of tomorrow.

My ex-wife may have done things to hurt me, and she may not be apologetic for what she’s done (nor do I expect her to be), but I enjoyed being married.  Yes, even to her.  In spite of all that’s happened, all that’s been said and done, I believe her to be a good person at heart and a dedicated mother.

And let’s be honest, I made mistakes, too.

There was a time when I loved her deeply, even if the feeling wasn’t mutual in the end.  A part of me will always love her, I think.  I did not make the choice to marry her lightly or without due consideration as some have assumed.  We were together for a number of years prior to tying the knot.  We didn’t make hasty decisions.

We thought it’s what we wanted.

We thought it would last.

We had hoped, anyway.

That said, there were some good years (I think) and we still have children together, including one with special needs.  They’re all that matter at this point.  And that’s the real tragedy here, that two people couldn’t (or wouldn’t, to be more accurate) work passed their differences and prevent yet another family from being torn apart.

I don’t know what else to say…except c’est la vie.

There’s nowhere to go from here but up.

At least, that’s what they tell me.

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R.I.P.

Dogtags

Remembering a friend and the moment everything changed.

You were the glue that held this family together.

You may be gone from this world but never from my heart.

Rest well, my friend.

Bosco — 5.20.14

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A WALK IN THE WOODS

I took a walk in the woods today with my family…minus one.  We haven’t done anything like that since early last fall and it’s clear to me that we don’t do it enough…that I don’t do it enough.  Not only for the health benefits of getting off my ass once in a while, but to remind myself how much I really do like being outdoors.

It’s where we came from, y’know?  Originally, anyway.  So many of us have forgotten.

It was cool to be able to point out the animal tracks we found in the snow to my 8-year-old son.  We saw deer and rabbit and fox and a squirrel trail, too.  We even met a lonely snowman.  We don’t know who left him there, but I’m going to immortalize him here.

BlendonSnowman

Sadly, our hike took us no further than a local metro park.  All throughout the hike I couldn’t help but “feel” the weight of the surrounding suburbs coupled with the occasional whoosh of a passing car.  The walls of civilization can be so terribly stifling.

Even the bench upon which our snowy friend lay seemed out of place.

Tiny metal signs that once heralded proud trees of the region stood lonely vigil over shattered, rotting stumps.  A few of the signs marked nothing at all.  And the large trees that did remain were carved with the initials of couplings most assuredly broken long ago.

I need to get away more often.  If not away, just out…somewhere closer to the earth and farther from man.  I only need those closest to me close to me.

It’s not that I dislike people.  I just dislike being around so many, so often.  And it’s pretty clear they don’t like being around me either.

Not that I’m bitter.  It’s just better that way.

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